blujeanmama

My favorite Christmas memory! 2011

2011-12-26T09:22:00.000-08:00

A certain little girl in the house has wanted her own surfboard, sooooooo bad. I, the ever-charming mother, had convinced her that she would not be able to have one this year. Maybe this summer,

but not for Christmas.

So she opened all the gifts under the tree for her. . . nothing exciting. Fun, cute things, but not one "big gift". In her words, "I kept thinking maybe the next box is a digital camera or a Kindle Fire."

After all the gifts were opened I suggested the girls open the curtains for me. . .

There it was! Then she made these faces, that I am sure will melt my heart all the days of my life.
Quietly I begged, "Please, please no more growing up!"

She quickly popped my bubble by saying, "Only like 9 more of these, before I'm off to college!" Can you hear the brakes of my heart screeching to a halt.

We spent the afternoon at our beach! Because for this year we have a place to call "our beach".

Daddy and I savored the sight .

In addition to the above moment: Shayli got a boogie board, which was behind the other curtain.

Colin found that Santa ate the cookies we set out for him. Casarah loved her Tinker Bell makeup set.

But still this is moment that stole my heart:

Christmas 2011, xoxxxoxxoxox! *sigh*

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

Celebrating the birth of our Savior! He alone is enough to fill my heart

with contentment, hope, and joy. Yet He generously has given me so much more.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Love, Blujeanmama & the Fabfour

Planning a new hair cut.

2011-12-21T09:04:00.000-08:00

It's time to get a new haircut. Yesterday, I was watching "What Not To Wear", when Stacy London said something to the effect of:

Your hair should be viewed like an accessory. It should change as you and your life change.

I appreciate this mentality toward hair. I don't ever want to be caught in mom jeans or a time warped hair-do. Seeing how my life has changed dramatically over the last six months, I'm ready for a new do.

I try to plan my haircuts out because I like to try new things, and I do not like ruts. I remember as a little girl thumbing through the dated hair cut books from behind the counter at Super Cuts or Fantastic Sams. How was I supposed to decide? It always resulted in "just a trim." I wonder now, if my mother staged it that way in order to savor the long golden brown locks of my childhood.

Today it's different though, I'm armed with the internet. Google images has a plethora of haircuts in all lengths, shapes, and sizes.

Here's how the plan goes down:

1. Establish your face shape.

Long ago, maybe as a teenager reading all those magazines, I established my face shape:

I have an oval-shaped face. Yours?

Go HERE for a little more explanation and guidance.

2. Search through images online for hairstyles you love. Make sure the match up with your face shape.

Type in the search engine "hair", "hair cuts", or "medium length hair cuts". Be specific to whatever you are looking for. you can also use use Pinterest as a resource and create a "Hair" board. Pull off the images of the hair cut you want. Below is a sheet I used in the past, for a shorter haircut I had.

3. Print off the sheet and take it into your hair stylist.

This way you rid the last minute, "What exactly do I want for a hair cut?" panic that can ensue.

Here's the plan I'm going with this time:

Medium length A-line bob.

With bangs.

Color: Chestnut brown.

And that friends, is how I make a plan!

Pinned it, did it!

2011-12-15T10:02:00.001-08:00

DID IT!

Here is this week's pin:

Click HERE or HERE

I have to admit I was skeptical that this idea would work. Roll your hair in a dress sock? And get a beautiful, loose, wavy curl? Who thinks to do this stuff? I don't know, but it did work! I did it using my 9 yr. old's long dark mane and it worked.

Here she is before bed:

Here she is the next morning:

You do have to unroll the hair and play with the curls a bit, long hair with minimal layers is a must.
The results were pretty and she wore them to the Christmas tea that we attended with Grandma.

Tween Reads.

2011-12-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

Over the summer, in an effort to keep my oldest daughter reading I picked her up a book that she wanted from Target. The book's cover reminded me of The Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, for that matter so did the title Dork Diaries. Beyond skimming the back and buying it, I did not think much more about the book.

A day or two into the read, my daughter approached me and said, "Mom, I don't think I should read this book." I asked, "Really, why not?" She answered, "I don't think I am supposed to read the things its saying." How bad could it be I wondered:

Seriously, "skanks"? "You little #@$%&"!? I mean I understand, I wasn't buying a classic work of literature. But I just wonder why? Why would you write like this for a tween audience?

The above illustration reflects how I felt that author Rachel Renee Russell had no discernment in her words. Further, how I felt at Aladdin Paperbacks and their editors.

On the other hand, I was grateful to see my daughter's discernment in her reading. It was a moment of reinforced trustworthiness. I don't hover over her every decision. I don't read every book she reads. So I am grateful that she had the sense to stop reading the book.

It reminded my of a previous post I made about this book:

The post was entitled: "I was going to read. . ."

It also reminds me that as parents we live by example, we demonstrate how to have discernment. We don't just lecture, tell, or shout the rules at our children. But we demonstrate it, when we ourselves put a book down. They watch, they learn, and copy a lot of what they see. Knowing this, helps me to look carefully at the words I say, the things I do, and the investment of example that I make into their lives.

We returned the book. And headed out to buy something different. We didn't go to a major retailer like before, instead we went to Harvest Christian Bookstore. Walking through the door, I felt like she really could buy any book in her section. I had the assurance that other's had been thoughtful and careful about the books that lined their shelves. Here is what we walked away with:

Nicole O'dell's:

Tony Abbott's:

She loved both these books! The top one by Nancy O'dell had a mature topic, but allowed for her to make a choice, then based on her choice she turned to a certain page to see how the scenario played out. She liked it so much that Scenarios 2: All That Glitters is on her Christmas list.

The second book, Fire Girl, was about a little girl who was burned in a fire. It taught her about compassion toward others and extending a hand of friendship to others who look different than us. She was very moved by this book.

Previous posts on Tween Parenting:

Tween Fashion Statement

Gwyneth Au-natural

Tween Room

Up and coming articles:

Makeup101

Pinned it, did it!

2011-12-08T15:43:00.001-08:00

DID IT!

This is the second pin this week that I've managed to bring to life. I'm on a roll!

The pin from my wreath board:

Found HERE.

My version:

Gwyneth Au-natural.

2011-12-07T15:02:00.001-08:00

I started this post awhile back, after reading an article on Gwyneth Paltrow. I never posted it because I managed to fall off of the blogging bandwagon while restructuring my entire life.

The book she was promoting.

Apparetnly, Gwyneth Paltrow turned up at a book signing au-natural. She was criticized in the comment section of the article for not arriving in a glamorous, movie-star type of get up.

Disappointed, people were disappointed. I am not sure that people at the book store were, but the people sitting at home, staring at their computers, reading this article were. At least some of the ones who voiced their intelligent-selves in the comment section of the several versions of the article I found did.

Here she is, Gwyneth au-natural. I say, "Hooray!"

We know she can look like this:

We're thrilled when she does. She's incredibly beautiful.

But as the Mom of a pre-teen, I respect when she shows up on occasion like this, because I can show my daughter these pictures. I can use it to help her understand that famous, beautiful people who put on make up, wear glamorous clothes, and look completely breath-taking are also normal people. Under it all, the don't look much different then us sporting a ponytail to run errands. Gwyneth showed up as a "normal" person. I like that. Thank you.

Pinned it, did it!

2011-12-07T14:46:00.001-08:00

Did it!

The Pin:

Found here.

My version.

The in Between Time. . . (a little update)

2011-08-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

Our relocation has gone well for the most part. Although, we remain in our "In Between Time", and the limbo act leaves us longing for our own place. Even so, things are going remarkably well.

We continue to spend half of our time at my parent's home and the other half at my sister in law's home. We are grateful to be able to stay in two places where we feel very comfortable, welcomed, and loved!

Yes, it is a lot of packing, driving, planning, repacking, and driving. But it's also a lot of fun, so don't feel sorry for us by any means. Just pray that things are settled in God's timing and according to His perfect plan, and that we remain content and at peace in the "In Between".

The city of Huntington Beach was so happy to have me back,

they left this welcome back notice on my car. So kind!

Our oldest has loved her beach time. She started surf lessons a few weeks ago.

The rest of the kids love it too!

And seeing all this California love makes me sigh, I am one happy Mama.

Soul Surfer Day.

2011-08-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

Ri's first time up on the surf board! (2009)

My daughter Mariah loves the beach, surfing, and all things related. She's a surfer at heart, minus the 6 years her parents tortured her with a relocation to Colorado. A place, where just in case you are the least bit uncertain, there are NO beaches. What was a surfer girl to do? Well, if you are my daughter, you insist on an ocean for every family vacation, and then you spend as much time as possible in it, near it, and in relative proximity to it. You learn to surf no matter the distance, and when God opens the door for you to live near it again you cease the moment, start surf lessons, and make plans for Jr. Lifeguards next summer.

Where there's a will there's a way! Ri snow-surfing in our backyard in Colorado.

Mariah has loved Bethany Hamilton's story from very early on. We have watched the first documentary more times than I can count.

When the movie Soul Surfer came out we had hoped to see it in the theaters, but with two small kids in the house seeing any movie in a theater setting is still a bit impossible. Instead, we opted for a movie party at Grandpa & Grandma's house. My plan was simple, I would buy Soul Surfer on DVD and Daddy would make his infamous Mahi Mahi fish tacos. We would spend the evening watching the movie and enjoying each other's company.

God just happened to turn this simple plan into something better than seeing the movie in the theaters, better than being able to watch it at Papa and Grandma's beach house, better than eating Daddy's delicious fish tacos. He took it to a level all of His own. . .

I went on Facebook on Friday and read Bethany's fan page post, she'd be signing in downtown Huntington Beach. What?! This was so cool I was in downtown HB and the Jack's Girls' Store where she was signing was with in walking distance. So the girls and I set out. Early. We didn't want to miss it!

We were the third group in line for the signing, we waited just a little bit for her to arrive. I told my girls, "I think I'm more excited than you." They assured me that was absolutely impossible.

However, it was one of those moments in life when you (as a Mom) get to watch your kids do something so cool and exciting, the thrill of it! Not to mention, the joy of the girls meeting someone who has taken a devastating incident in life and allowed God to use her life through it. I hope Bethany knows how grateful we are that she's let God's light shine through her. It is beautiful to watch her surf, but it is most beautiful to see her give the credit for all she does right back to God. She's inspiring, admirable, and just an overall sweet girl.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

To put a cherry on top of the whole day, we walked around the downtown area and headed over to the Rip Curl store. The girls stood in line to play the "Wheel of Misfortune." They each spun the wheel, where among many cool prizes was whip cream pie on your head and brushing your teeth with wasabi. The whole time we were in line I was thinking this is great, I'm going to have to brush my teeth with wasabi. Of course, as the family martyr ;o) I have to be willing to take one for the team at all turns. Each of them spun the wheel and won. . . something cool. Ri got a hat which she was really hoping for and Shayli won a shirt. I won too! I didn't have to brush my teeth with wasabi. Ding-a-ding-a-ding, yup that was my prize, well that, and the sheer joy thing I mentioned earlier.

Seriously, God throws the best Soul Surfer movie parties eva!!!

And so we moved. . .

2011-08-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

Adding the final items to our moving truck. Just minutes before we officially start the drive home.

It has been just two weeks since we arrived in California. I have to admit it feels a lot more like 2 days. We packed the Penske and headed back to the place where we started, good 'ol Southern California where the skies are so blue.

I now appreciate the sight of palm trees, which were previously taken for granted.

My husband started back at work this past Monday, so that seems normal, but right now that is about the only thing that is normal. We still need to find a place in Somewhere, San Diego, CA. We still need to find a school for the girls. We are very much in between, staying at my sister in law's and my parent's house, a definite adventure of sorts. Each morning we pull clothes from moving boxes, every couple days we plan where we'll be, and we long for our own space. However, before you feel sorry for us. . . . know that really we are having so much fun. There's more cousin time than we know what to do with, in fact we find ourselves in that place where we have to remind ourselves that this is not a vacation, we do in fact live here again. It's going to take some time for it all to settle in our hearts, our minds, and our daily lives.

Cousins and a bucket full of water balloons.

Pool time with cousin Aurora.

Shayli with Uncle Andrew and cousin Luke opening her birthday card.

Until everything settles and certainty finds our days, we'll continue to live in the "in between," the place where faith and love have lead us. And if there's is one thing the last six years in Colorado taught us:

It's not really faith if you have it all figured out.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews11:1

7 more days. . . .

2011-07-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

We are on a countdown around here.

Source.

There are 7 more days of . . . .

Counting the days.

Climbing over boxes.

Living in a mess.

Handling miscellaneous repairs.

Saying our goodbyes. Our sad, sad goodbyes.

My green porch.

Midwest thunderstorms and their hail.

Children caught in transition.

Source.

And in only 7 days. . . .

I will hug my Mom.

Kiss my niece.

Drink coffee with my Dad.

I will sit on my brother's couch and watch our children play.

Breath in the salty ocean air.

Watch my daughter run into the ocean as if God made this giant pool for her alone.

Drive on the 405, ummm, err sit in traffic.

See my California friends, and their children, and hold in my heart how they've grown.

I will thank God for the ground of home and the opportunity to be there.

In only 7 more days!

Golfing greens for the lil' man.

2011-07-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Smack in the middle of packing and moving. . . seems like a good place to insert a project. Two weeks ago, my husband made our son his own putting green. Colin loves golf! He loves it more than the average two year old, I'm sure. Prior to having his own putting green, he would hound me to take him to the sporting goods store daily so he could use their putting green and try out all their nifty golf clubs. Now he has his own and if he goes MIA, I can find him in the garage working on his skillz.

What we used:

Scrap plywood and 2x4's

Scrap molding for the edging, so the ball doesn't fall off the sides.

Astro turf

3" pvc cap for the cup

Total cost: $22.00

Summer Reads.

2011-07-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

Source.

I'm assembling my list of summer reads. I have decided on a few. . .

I ordered this one from Paperbackswap.com with one of my free credits.

I've loved reading In The Grips of Grace and The Great house of God.

I love Max Lucado's writing flow, and some of my favorite word pictures

come from him.

Priceless is a fictional story based on true facts regarding sex trafficking.

I have wanted to read this for some time at the recommendation

of another blogger. A heavy topic. Though I won't get to it this summer,
I would also like to read Tom Davis' book Fields of the Fatherless.

Crazy Love may just turn my summer upside down. Especially,

if it is as impacting as Forgotten God. This one is actually

waiting at the church bookstore for me right now.

Finally, I downloaded Pride and Prejudice for free from Nook.

I have been working on it for a little while. I am 97 pages in and hooked.

In my mind, I am earning the right to watch the movie.

The choice will be the BBC version or the Keira Knightly version.

It's an ambitious reading list considering I am 14 days away from moving out

of state. Even so, in the midst of busyness reading is my Oasis, my beach before I

get to the beach. ;o)

What are you reading this summer?http://nancyrivers.tumblr.com/post/2583599916

This ain't your grandma's garage sale finds.

2011-06-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd take a minute to break any misconceptions about how and where I shop with this post. . .

Do you garage sale? I never did until I realized all the wonderful crazy finds I was missing out on. There's the Lite Brite I bought for $3, the Pogo Stick for $2, the marbles I got for FREE. Even if my kids only played with these toys for 2 hrs., it was cheaper than a trip to the movies. Also, it's an easy and unattached way to put it in the Goodwill pile when they are done.

Just like everything in life, I keep my buying simple. I go with a purpose. I don't buy a lot of random stuff, though junk or treasure is in the eye of the beholder. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment and buy a ton of stuff that you don't need. Especially when those things are priced for a $1 and under. Even more especially when you find Gymboree, Quicksilver, and Gap. So definitely go with a plan.

Here's some of my recent favorite finds:

Neighbors garage sale $3. Tags still on it!

2nd Quicksilver find $1

Schwinn Goblin Bike $5

I wanted to tell you about the $.50 skate board purchased to
to be a photo prop, but Colin loved it too much.
Then I realized his outfit was a garage sale find too, lol.
Shorts: $1 Shirt: $.50

Raided a friend's garage sale pile FREE

(traded for some of my stuff she wanted)

Navy Polka Dot Dress $3

He wanted a carwash! FREE!

Where else do I shop? More on that soon. For now, try it. Craigslist is a great place to look up garage sales, especially when looking for name brand sales. Most of the time, people on Craigslist will specify the sizes and name brands that they'll be carrying, which saves a ton of time.

Two favorite songs.

2011-06-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

Sifted Like Wheat.

2011-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to have all of you, to sift you like wheat.

But I have pleaded for you in prayer, Simon, that your faith should not fail.

So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers."

Luke 22:31-32

I read through this text and listened to the pastor's words. I can identify so deeply, I feel like Peter, being sifted like wheat. Over the past few years, I have learned just what that feels like. Everything you hold dear and important, of worth and value goes upside down. The things you thought predictable about yourself, become very unpredictable.

My heart has been for God since a very young age. Not because it was pressed on me, but because my heart was tender towards it. I did not come from a home where we rose early to do family devotions, where we were inundated with requirements of Christian music only, or where my parents were so perfectly tied to church that my mindset was overly trained on the things of God. My choice to follow God as young as I was, was my own.

Much of my life has been filled with God's gracious favor. God has said yes to me on many of the things I have asked. So what transpired in my Colorado life was anything but expected. Even so, I have reflected many times on the verse I chose years ago when I felt God calling me into women's ministry:

"preach the word; be ready in season and out of season;

reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction."

2 Timothy 4:2

Before we arrived in Colorado I would look at the images on the internet of the church we planned to attend. I envisioned being involved, having new friends, connecting. I knew it might not be the same as what I previously had experienced, but I anticipated it would be similar. So I was beyond surprised, when connection after connection failed. When friendships took off and then lost all steam. Everything I had planned and hoped for seemed to be squelched. I was quickly falling out of season and I was anything but prepared.

In the process, of adjusting to our new life, we entered our adoption journey. For nine months, we worked to have our daughter placed with us. It was excruciating. I would pray and hope but anxiety, fear, worry would swell in me. What were these things that were now controlling every aspect of me? I was completely in a tailspin of confusion, things weren't happening. I'd pray hard and then harder. Nothing would happen. I have never exerted so much energy to accomplish something. Then our daughter arrived, and what was a long arduous process, became a painful, empty, and confusing experience.

Who was this child I had hoped for? She didn't connect, she didn't answer or respond. When I visited her she was not like this. Now, she was home and hard to cuddle. She gave blank stares, had a stubborn temperament. What was happening? This isn't adoption. Adoption is love, forever families, second chances, stability. Adoption is beautiful, not ugly, messy, or confusing. Who am I? What is happening? Confusion as it does many times led to panic. My faith was being shaken at the very core, I was losing my peace. I looked around and thought, what am I believing in, why am I believing it. Is it all just a sick joke. Yes, the low point of faith.

What did Peter feel when he denied Jesus? When that rooster crowed just as Jesus said it would? Did the very air get taken out of his body? Did he stare at his own skin and think who am I? What have I done? What am I doing? We know this, he was completely brokenhearted over it.

And Peter left the courtyard crying bitterly.

Luke 22:62

For us, a confusing situation became worse when our foster son came into our home at 3 months old and was returned his biological family at nearly ten months old. It was the final straw. I had bonded with this child. I was his mother and he was my son. It wasn't something you could just reason as God's will. Oh no. Now, I was mad. I remember driving down the road, tears that I usually work so hard to restrain streaming out. I was crying bitterly. I said out loud, into the air, into the emptiness of the car, my fiery words aimed at God, "How could you do this? I am so mad at you? Why would you just take him away?" It was so unfair. I imagined more times than not God staring from a distance, playing me like a chess piece on a board, everything was simply for his own amusement, and this was sick amusement. To give a woman a child, an only son, and the rip him away. The agony to find myself in this place, to look at my Bible on the table across from me and not have a desire to touch it, to sit in church worship and be filled with emptiness and hurt. But God did not forsake me in this place.

But I have pleaded for you in prayer, Darci, that your faith should not fail.

So with what little faith I had left, I pressed on. I prayed, I sought God. At moments, I began to stand so feebly, I could feel faith begin to take hold with the slightest amount of strength, but the next gust of wind always seemed to be just around the corner, and I'd be back on my face. My child was impossible to parent, my marriage was frustrated, my children were shaken as our home life became a shadow of its previous self, we had no family near, it was a lonely and abandoned feeling.

I have a friend who loves the mountains, as much as I love the beach. At a low point she offered to drive the kids and I up there. I went since the other option was to stay home and sulk in self-pity. Even though I was grateful, I can't say I was excited. I wasn't a fan of the mountains by any means. In fact, I saw those mountains more as a trap than anything beautiful. You see, the mountains are to the west of me. Do you know what else lies west? California, my family, my old life. The mountains were really serving as nothing more than a massive barrier between a life I loved and the new life that made no sense. I have many times meditated on this scripture:

"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

Matthew 17:20

I would imagine those mountains moving out of my way, and yet every morning to much of my disappointment they remained. Those mountains wouldn't budge, I couldn't move them. Instead, I would approach each morning making much of the same mistakes. I would give into depression, I would withdraw from my children, I would cry and cry and cry. I was so disappointed in myself.

Peter was set in three scenarios, and he did it every time. He denied Christ. He believed himself to be one thing, a believer, a disciple, a devout follower of Christ - and in a moment of crisis did not resemble that person at all. It's kind of easy to be a little condescending toward Peter. After all, he talks a big game and then turns around and denies Christ. Why couldn't he hold it together? Stand his ground, be what others expected him to be? Why couldn't I?

Our son, Colin, was placed with us at 3 days old, and the emotional roller coaster became more dramatic. Visitations, court dates, love that had the potential to wreck me laid in my arms. Hope took root in my heart but I would have rather silenced it, perhaps it would lessen the pain if I were to lose him. So why take a baby in the midst of such madness? I don't know. It doesn't make sense to me either. . . . well not until much, much later.

When I was a kid my brother and I would wrestle, as we got older it never ended well for me. He would have me pinned, dribbling a loogie over me and I'd be screaming for mercy. I was screaming for mercy in my daily life while at the same time I was making one small, unreasonable, mustard seed step of faith after another. Clinging to the little faith I had left. Adoption day came, I stood before a judge and promised to adore my son forever, come what may. I was grateful to God, one small step at a time, my anger lessening, the road was starting to smooth out and go a little straight again. The wounds began to heal. We received help for our daughter and ourselves. The mountains still stood like blockades to the place I'd rather be, but God's abundant faithfulness held so much credibility that the mountains were at least tolerable.

Doors opened. My heart sang praises again. My Bible found its place in my hands. I leaned into God with more strength than I had ever previously had.

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Peter too experienced restoration. We know that after the denial he turned to God again and repented. It's the difference between Peter and Judas really. Both betrayed Jesus. One with an unrepentant kiss, that ended in suicide and destruction. One with flat on his face humility that drew him to repentance. After the betrayal, Peter and Jesus were together and the following conversation occurred:

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”

“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.

Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”

“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.

A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep."

John 21:15-17

I think it no coincidence that Jesus asked Peter three times, "Do you love me?" Jesus is restoring him. For every time Peter denied Jesus, Jesus is giving him opportunity to answer again. I imagine Jesus asking me in much the same way, "Darci, do you love me? Are you still angry with me?" My eyes light up, my head tilts down with slight embarrassment that I failed to trust His goodness. "You know I love you Lord." He asks again and again, and it hurts how could I have doubted Him. I see God wins over and over and over again. The climb to victory doesn't always feel much like what we envision, but when you stand on the mountain top and you can see west over the mountains you know, that you know, that you know God is faithful!

So Colorado, my years of being sifted like wheat were spent with you. I did not like them very much, they were painful. They were not your fault, they were apart of God's plan. I do not regret my time here. Perhaps, the most valuable lessons in all my life were learned here, with you, and your snow-capped peak. The mountains are moving now, I'm going home, restored. I am not leaving as I came, but the life I leave with speaks volumes to His faithfulness.

So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers.

Luke 22:32

So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.
2 Cor. 4:18 (NLT)

Operation Move.

2011-06-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

Our move is in full swing. The girls were excited when we bought the FOR RENT sign.

They were even more excited when we posted it in the front yard.

I packed up some of Colin's toys the other day. Jessie, Buzz, and Woody were a little apprehensive, but I assured them that they would be out of the box in 2 months time guaranteed. Odd, how that cartoon makes you think about how your kids' toys are going to feel stuffed in a box.

I'm selling off the furniture at alarming rates. Meet our new kitchen table.

It's fun if you're Colin and Casarah. If you're Mommy, Daddy, Mariah, and Shayli

then you kind of stand around wondering where you're supposed to eat.

The decor is all down and the pictures are off the walls. It's starting to feel like we're

leaving. I get a little emotional sometimes. The Trace Adkins song "You're Going to Miss This"

plays in my mind, and I wonder how I will miss it most.

Message Matters.

2011-06-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

On Pinterest I have a board entitled "Message Matters". It's one of my favorite boards to fill because I am always finding fun quotes and sayings all designed up on there. Here are a few of my favorites:

It's the motto I live by. (@DailyBitsofBeauty)

That's right baby! Lalalalalalalala. (Credit HERE)

This works.

(@We Heart It)

But I sure try.

(@YellowBugBoutique)

Waaaaaaaay better than yelling.

(Credit HERE)

It's how I roll.

(@Seblester)

I do love it.

(Credit HERE)

So far this is my all-time favorite. I am going to remake the

design for a picture wall in my next home.

(@ Whispered Reflections)

Ha, it's funny because you know how much it hurts.

(@Marko My Word)

I sing this song to my kids when. . .

they can't get what they want. Yea, it's their fave.

(@Music Philosophy)

This one's just so sweet.

(Credit HERE )

Adoption Really.

2011-06-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

The other day I was listening to the radio and a commercial came on advertising for Christian families to adopt. The children in the sound bit declared things like, "Finally my own home." "A Mommy and Daddy of my own." "I'm so thankful for my family." A fairytale adoption?!

Before I write anymore, I want to say I am an absolute advocate for adoption. We are the adoptive family of two young children. I love adoption! I've experienced both a "fairytale" adoption, if that exists, and I have experience a troubled/ difficult adoption. So I am not here to scare anyone out of what I feel is a very high honor and calling.

However (there it is- however), I do not believe in being untruthful. I think commercials like this one are designed to show adoption as a method of saving a child. A child who will be ridden with thankfulness for their parents who came in and rescued them. In reality, if you are the adoptive parent of a child old enough to say the above things. Then you are the adoptive parent of a child wounded, and any gratefulness can wear off very quickly. Particularly, after the "honeymoon phase".

Early in my adoption experience with our child who was placed with us at 20 months old, I was taken back by the lack of emotion, lack of love, lack of connection. Our child was not grateful. Think about it from her position, we were another home, another family, people come, people go. Why believe any different? She didn't sparkle with thankfulness. ~~Not that I expected her to.~~ Actually, maybe I did a little. I was so excited to have her, I sort of wanted her to be excited back. Do I fault her? No. I do however hold accountable commercials that target Christians with a myth that adoptions are dancing fairytales of bliss. Some are, some are not. For the ones that aren't, families can be demolished in the wake of the trouble and dysfunction.

I think in advertisements where so much is at stake for the family and the child - there should be a bit less glamorizing. We wouldn't want to sell a family on adoption only for it fail, and sadly they do fail. Even more sadly, I understand why.

Yes, adoption is a wonderful thing. However, if you are the parent of a child with RAD, FASE, FASD or any of the other issues adopted children can come with then you know that it is a lot of work. It is more work than you ever imagined, and you have to be able to roll with the punches (sometime figuratively, sometimes literally).

I remember one woman who discovered that I was an adoptive parent, commented to me: "Adoption, wow, that must be so much easier than pregnancy." Ha, ha! I responded: "No, I've experienced both, pregnancy was easier 100 times over." She didn't mean anything ill by it, from her view I get why it looks easier. But it's not. The amount of stress and uncertainty that is involved just in the child getting to the point of adoption is immense. And then if the adoption is troubled, or difficult, or has attachment disorders a family can feel suffocated.

So where's the positive? How do you promote adoption with out scaring people away?

How about: "Adoptive families. The few. The strong. The proud." No, sounds too military. :o)

Maybe: "Adoptive families. Because we first loved them." (after all as Christians we love because He first loved us, right?).

Here is what I do know, there has to be a better way. There has to be a way in which truth meets anticipation without falsely selling the idea.

Going Back to Cali!

2011-06-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

Our resounding YES has arrived. We're moving home.

credit HERE

Last weekend, my husband downloaded the song "Going Back to Cali" on our ipods. It's been so fun dancing around the house to the tune, packing w/out knowing for certain, and hoping, hoping that our transfer would go through. And now we know it has. We will be moving in 30 days back home to California. My husband will resume his job in Poway, CA, and we will become residents of Somewhere, San Diego, CA.

credit for above saying HERE

We are overjoyed. Our hearts have longed for the comforts of home for some time. We have hoped that our youngest children would have the privilege of knowing their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, the same way our older daughters have.

I'm still in a bit of shock that the answer is yes. But, it is . . . . YES. Yes, we can move back to our home state. Yes, the sights of palm trees and the smell of the ocean are ours. Yes, we can see our family whenever we want. Yes, I can soak in the sweetness of nieces and nephews. Yes, yes, yes.

Over the next 4 weeks we will say goodbye to Colorado. As excited as we are about California, our hearts will find moments of difficulty in leaving this place we've called home for six years. For as many things that I haven't enjoyed, there is much we've learned to love about this place, much that we'll miss over time. Our two best souvenirs are ready to go. Casarah and Colin, both are overwhelming proof of God's purpose and plan in our time here.

Packing is in process. Don't mess with our moving boxes!

P.S. I get my Mom back!! Phew.

Snow Cones for Sale!

2011-06-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

They had an idea! If I would just let them by a snow cone machine. So I did.

They made signs, ran an extension cord to the street, robbed my freezer of all it's ice,

and began their business.

Each of the girls rotated standing on the corner and shouting, "Snow cones for $1!"

I obliged, because they are children, and these are the things childhood summers are made of;

and because I still remember the lemonade stands I had with my childhood friend Amy Martin.

And they shared their memory with theirs, Miss Kylie.

They were organized entrepreneurs. Paper cones, straws, three flavors, and a happy greeter!

They served up snow cones throughout the day.

Most of the sales were done on garage sale day, which meant they got lots of traffic.

There most popular customer was an unpaid return customer,

but that's to be expected from your 2 year old brother.

Total Sales: $38.00

Wow! They more than earned back the money for the snow cone machine and supplies.

Put Down the Mom Jeans and Walk Away!

2011-06-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

In the last couple days I've realized something, living in the midwest for the past six years has not been kind to my wardrobe. A few specific moments have led me to this epiphany of sorts. First, there was the day last week when I got dressed and didn't even check the mirror to makes sure it was A-ok. Second, there's the sad fact that I like only a handful of items in my closet. Third, (and a bit more serious) there's this bug out here that eats through my shirts in the summer months. I know it's weird, but in the summer, in Colorado, when my shirt gets grease on it there is some sort of bug that eats little tiny holes in my shirts. Since I cook all the time, since I'm short, since my waistline hits the stove- I toss more clothes out because of these nasty little bugs and the holes they make.

So why have I got so lax on my clothing choices. . . . let's investigate.

1) My Mom's not here to give me that, what the heck are you wearing face. Or any other points she likes to make when disagreeing with my wardrobe. . . . she's subtle. ;o)

2) The bar has been lowered. Can I say that when you live in So. Cal there's just a lot of beautiful people who wake up and put themselves together to go to the grocery store. Not so here, and if you are one of those people you definitely stand out.

3) Shopping for clothes in Colorado Springs is just a bummer. I really have to work up the energy and determination to head out to Denver for the "real mall" or to Castle Rock for the outlet stores. I have my four kiddos with me always, which is NOT conducive to browsing. Ah, browsing, I remember what that felt like once upon a time.

4) When I do own something I love, those darn bugs.

So before, my wardrobe is hindered or hurt anymore, before I head to Wal-mart and buy a fancy pair of Mom Jeans, before I own a holiday Santa sweater. . . I have decided a few things must change (*cue Michael Jackson's song - I'm gonna make a change* lalala).

I've taken to Pinterest and created a board called "Feed My Deprived Closet". So now I can say, I'm actively looking and planning to improve my situation. I've found so many cute pieces for inspiration. An added perk, a definite style is emerging. Would you be surprised if most of them start with blue jeans. :o) Here are some of my finds:

@Polyvore

@ Polyvore

@Polyvore

Sorry, I don't know who to credit for this one.

@ The Good Life for Less

Love the Toms shoes!!

Armed with my Pinterest inspiration, my new awareness of the fantasticness of Polyvore, I've promised myself that I would buy at least one new item every paycheck. I started this two weeks ago. Can't wait for this Friday! Here's to digging myself out of this almost Mom rut. Join me!

Still confused on what it is? Read this post @ Endless Jubilee.

Book Report Fun!

2011-06-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

For one of her 5th grade book reports, Mariah had to come up with something clever. "No poster board allowed!" I believe that was the rule. Be creative, was other rule. Creative speaks to my child's heart, decisiveness. . . not so much. I wonder which parent she's most like? Ha, that would be a resounding ME.

Eventually, she decided on one of her favorite books, The Chocolate Touch by Patrick Skene Catling. She was introduced to the book by her 3rd grade teacher.

We searched the internet for a clever idea, and came up with a game board. This turned a dreaded book report, into a really fun project. Which made it way better than the science fair project. She found this book report to be so fun that when her sister and Dad headed out she stayed back to work on it.

Her teacher loved the creativity. The kids in her class had fun playing the game. The librarian put in on display in the school library. Overall, it was a complete success!

Mason Jar Madness.

2011-06-06T05:02:00.000-07:00

In my haste to move, I have been cleaning, gutting, organizing, and making one grand garage sale pile. I am not one who usually goes back into the pile to dig things out. However, since joining Pinterest, I'm finding the value and potential in some things that made there way into the pile. The site is riveted with creative inspiration, I love it!!

So what am I dipping back into the pile to dig out? You wonder. Well, the mason jars! Who knew the endless creative ideas one could implement with mason jars. Here are a few. . .

Make your own snow globes! @The Creative Mama

Organize my yarn, which makes it better for display,

and is way better than what I've got going on now.

@Homemade Simple

Gift Rainbow glitter Play dough!

@ Gobs of Giggles

Personalize and Paint! And it's so simple.

@Pure and Noble

Summer time glass of lemonade, anyone?

@Emmaline Bride

Elegant and simple centerpiece.

Via JC on Pinterest

Light up the night. So beautiful and romantic!!

Via Oh Hello You Pretty Things

You get the idea, it's endless! All the fun things you can create.

"Hold on Mason Jars! I'm coming for ya!"

Parenting RAD.

2011-06-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

A few months ago my husband and I filled our seat in church on a Saturday evening service. It was one of those nights when we sat down with no certain expectation of the service. One of those moments we didn't, but God did. . .

Since we became the parents of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder, we have been desperate for answers, help, anything solid we could grasp and use to help our family/ our child move forward. Sadly, I have found only a handful of things that I have read and pillaged through, out of utter desperation, genuinely helpful.

As a mom, I want to live. I want to live in a happy and peaceable home. I DON'T want to live in constant turmoil. And for more moments than I count along the way I have found myself in that place . . . turmoil. I've wondered hopelessly how my life would move forward. I've wondered whether or not I had ruined my other children by having such contention in my home.

Friends, it's been a long, loooooong journey to this day. But I can say that I am at peace. I am at peace living daily with my child.

"How old is she?" You ask. 5 1/2 yrs.

"How long did it take you to get to this place?" You wonder. Nearly 4 yrs.

"Wait until she's a teenager!" You exclaim.

Can I say, that's where I don't want to be. I don't want to be another cynical parent of a RAD child. I don't have my head in the sand, I'm very aware of what the upcoming years could hold. I didn't say my child changed, I said I did. Through the power of God, my Christian parenting works with my daughter. "So then what are you doing?" ~~I wish it was something profound.~~ No I don't! I'm glad it's simple.

1. We (my husband and I) started with our hearts! ~~Every~~ Most mornings my husband and I do a Bible study together.

We wake up and listen to a message on the internet. For us, we listen to the teaching of Brad Young @ Calvary Chapel Westgrove. Another great message can be found here by Pastor Brent Kaser on Spiritual Warfare. We are fortunate in today's age, there are so many teachings that can be accessed via internet. I recommend using them. Ear phones are helpful too.

2. I run my responses through the PGR test.

Every time I encounter my daughter in a "moment". Whether it's a tantrum, a lie, a manipulation. I run my response through the PGR test. Am I being Patient, Gentle, Reasonable? It comes from this verse:

James 3:17

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁷ But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.

It's the verse we sat down to learn that evening in church. The message was intended toward marriage, and it definitely has it's application there. But my husband and I have found that it applies so well to our interactions with our daughter. Especially the intense ones. My husband and I want to parent our daughter (all of our children) with wisdom and sincerity. Godly, Biblical wisdom, and this helps. It gives us a starting point and an ending point.

3. I no longer attach myself to everything my child does.

Meaning I don't make everything a personal assault against me. "Doesn't this make you detached?" No, it makes me reasonable. In the past, when my daughter would lie (ummm, she still does. . . a lot), nothing would fire me up more. I was not used to a child who would lie over everything, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Example:

Me: Are these your clothes on the floor?

Her: No.

Me: Do you wear these pants? And this shirt?

Her: Yes.

Me: So are these your clothes?

Her: No.

My old response: head spins, steam flows out of my nostrils and ears, and I begin to sound like the mad and wicked witch. Because this lying over the simplest things goes on and on and on. I shout (yell, scream) whatever you want to call it, "Quit lying to me! These are your clothes! Pick them up!"

"Maybe she doesn't understand?" You think. Oh she understands, don't be fooled. I was for a long time. I still struggle with her need to be untruthful constantly, but I'm handling it.

My new response: These are your clothes. Pick them up and put them away. After you put them away you can sit out for five minutes for lying. After her time out, I ask her, "How did lying work for you?" Usually she answers, "Not good." I'll respond with, "No, lying is never going to work for you."

And then. . . I move on.

I do it because I can. Because, PGR (James 3:17) says it would be unreasonable not to, because my morning Bible study gave me the supernatural strength to do it, and because I have realized her lying is not a personal assault against me. She still believes it's necessary to her survival.

So friends that's where I am. At peace. If you are a Christian dealing with the daily struggles of parenting a RAD child. I recommend that you start with the Bible. Set aside the books, the endless books, the strategies, the absolute madness. Bow your heart before God and pray simply, "Lord, give me your heart for this child." It might not change your child, but I guarantee it will change you.

Philippians 4:7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

A favorite post.

2011-05-31T09:03:00.000-07:00

I love reading this post, I hope you'll enjoy it as well. As Mom's, we can limit God's usage of us. I love how Amanda shows that regardless of our stage in life God desires to work in and through us, expanding our horizons. I found this article inspiring, because I believe that God is teaching me much of the same thing. READ ON friends.

Why I’m going to Africa (aka: Why my family cannot be my whole world)

Why so silent?

2011-05-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love my unexplained absences from blogging life? Did you even notice I was gone? Ha, probably not. So what have I been up to? Silence can mean so many things. . . . It can mean that I have hit another crazy creative streak (maybe a little true):

Etsy Shop

It could mean life has turned upside down. . . . . but we all know that it's always upside down around here. So that wouldn't prevent my blogging.

But what I have really been up to is . . . . Thinking. Mostly, about where our family wants to carry forward on life's journey. Moving back home to California has been a very real thought in the back of our minds for quite some time.

We have lived in Colorado for just about 6 years. It has been an incredible journey. A journey of uprooting from friends, family, comfort, and familiarity.

A journey of planting ourselves in a new place, seeing new things, making new friends, connecting in new ways.

It has been a journey of growing. We grew as a family, welcoming our youngest two children. We grew internally. Our faith was strengthened, our marriage was made firm, and our children grew.

The five year old and two year old we arrived in Colorado with, have grown to be 11 and 8.

Over time the knocking of home, has grown strongly in our hearts. We just recently returned from a trip home, where the impending question on our hearts was: "Can we do this again?"

Moving across several states is no simple task. Moving six people is a feat all in its own. But the answer seemed to be a resounding YES. Much of what we love is home. Our family whose support and company is invaluable.

So, what is it? Colorado isn't good enough? Awe, that's certainly not the case. I love much of my life here, though some of it I don't like much at all. But it's not a state, or a city, or a people. They're not the problem. It's about the times and seasons in one's life. And for this time and season we were here. The time carried joy and heartache, loss and love, we grew, we grew, we grew. God showed us so much about His faithfulness.

And then came the knock on the doors of our heart and began to beckon us home. . . . I'm not announcing a definite move, but I am announcing our earnest effort to begin the journey to return home to Southern California.

A Carwash.

2011-05-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

When we were at cousin Luke's house a few weeks ago, he had a carwash. Colin was so entertained with this toy. He pushed the Hotwheel cars through the carwash door for a good part of the night.

Yesterday, I put my creative pants on and made him his own carwash. I wasn't about to search the stores for a carwash, no-no-no we're far too clever for that. Instead, I made him one out of the box we got from Costco.

I snagged a Hotwheels logo off the google images search.

I dug up a piece of felt, painters tape, and packing tape.

Two party blowers pose as the dryer and a sponge cut in half are on each side that the cars drive through.

As I assembled it, he followed me around the house asking, "Whatcha doin' mommy? Making me a carwash?" "Yup, buddy, I'm making you a carwash."

He was so impressed with my concoction. He's been playing with it ever since!!

Sometimes, us Moms, we can be clever as clever can be!

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T06:37:00.001-07:00

Necklace.

2011-03-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to NEED a necklace? Maybe not. But I came across this necklace today, and I just might. . . NEED it that is. Why? Because my most favorite poem in all the world is:

THE STARFISH POEM

Once upon a time there was a wise man
who used to go to the ocean to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day he was walking along the shore.
As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer.

He smiled to himself to think of someone who would
dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man
and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore,
picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"The wise man then asked, "Why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish
and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said-
"It made a difference for that one."

I think of this poem often. I think of it when I stare in to the faces of my two adopted children.

I think of it when their days are bright.

And mine the brighter!

I think of it when my new sponsorship package arrives for a certain sweet boy, clear across the world.

If this is one's favorite poem, then when they see this, located HERE:

It is hardly fair to expect ~~them~~ me to resist!

Check out more of these beautiful necklaces HERE and enter their giveaway HERE!

Passing it on. . . Cleaning for a Reason.

2011-03-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

I don't know firsthand what it's like to have cancer. However, I have seen the toll it can take on those I love. When we see our friends and family battling cancer, losing their strength, and not being able to keep up with life at the same pace, we want to help. Sometimes we simply don't know how, or it seems invasive to help in the way we would like. I recently came across this site which can be a huge help to any woman and her family battling cancer.

Cleaningforareason.org offers any woman battling cancer professional housecleaning once a month for four months. As women, we can be protective of our homes and we don't necessarily like friends or family intruding on our space and picking up our messes. However, professionals are different. They come in, do the job, and head out. So if you know a woman who is battling cancer . . . . PASS IT ON.

Check out there facebook page HERE.

Money Matters: The Art of Getting Out of Debt.

2011-03-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

We've by no means arrived, even so today was a moment worth photographing. I made my phone call to Chase and canceled our largest credit card. It's the card that seemed it would never go away when we started working toward being debt free.

At it's highest point, it held $13,000 out of it's $14,000 dollar limit. This morning it held $0.00, now it's closed, and its remnants are safely held in a sacred resting place known as the TRASH CAN.

The one thing I am learning as the debt disappears slowly is that behind it lies an indescribable freedom. It's not easy, it's hard work, but there are and have been lots of moments like these where the sense of freedom and accomplishment serve as motivation to tackle the next thing on the list.

No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Luke 6:13

Glory goes to God! Because he has been faithful to gives us wisdom and self-discipline to reach these goals!

Favorite App: Instagram.

2011-02-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

I love this app!! It's a great way to take quick pictures and throw a cool effect on them. Since you can use it on your itouch or iphone you can get fun moments that you usually wouldn't have time to whip the camera out for, like my favorite so far:

Colin rockin' out in the car. (I was the passenger not the driver).

And the fun others:

Colin's Napolean Dynamite look!!

A snap of Mariah opening her birthday gift from Grandma and Papa via ichat.

(Oh the places technology takes us!)

Casarah and a friend hangin' out together.

Mariah just being her beautiful self.

Sarah having a dance party in living room!!

Beard boy taking a bath.

The app is free. And it's easy to share, you can link it to facebook, flickr, and others.

What?! There's a hole in my gospel?

2011-02-24T16:02:00.000-08:00

What started with Francis Chan's message "Lukewarm and Loving it", led to a conversation with my brother, which led to him recommending I read The Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.

I love reading! I love sharing what I am reading, especially when it challenges me. When it changes my way of thinking. When it makes me thankful for simple things, like running water, and makes me aware of the world outside of me, my neighborhood, my city, state, and country. I am most excited about the action God might prompt as the result of such reading.

The copy I borrowed from my local library is marked by stickies so I can write down all the valuable quotes and things I hope to remember but know I'll forget.

I'm at the halfway mark and already there are stickies all over the place.

Here are a few of the quotes I have marked:

"A holy life will produce the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns; they only shine."
~D.L. Moody

"God can't give you the blessings He has for you until you first put down the other things you are clutching in your hands."
~Richard Stearns

"Discerning our unique calling is not always a simple thing. We need to be quiet enough to hear God's still, small voice. We must also faithfully read the scriptures, pray diligently, follow the Lord's teachings, listen to wise friends who know us, and consistently we have to remain open to God's possibilities, always willing to take the outrageous risk and do the unpredictable thing."
~Richard Stearns

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world."
~Mother Theresa

"Don't fail to do something because you can't do everything."
~Bob Pierce

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it."
"Well, why don't you ask Him?"
"Because I'm afraid He'd ask me the same question."
~Anonymous

"We've drifted away from being the fishers of men to being keepers of the aquarium."
~Paul Harvey

"Can you imagine the impact of our own culture if American Christians began using their riches as if they belonged to God?"
~Richard Stearns

I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, and then you grow wings."
~William Sloane Coffin

I absolutely recommend reading this book for yourself!

Still Crocheting?!

2011-02-23T06:09:00.000-08:00

Of course! But do you ever start a project or an idea,

make it halfway through, and then decide a better idea would be

to totally second guess yourself? That's where I am at right now.

What started with a one stitch crocheted baby beanie

progressed to this:

Which to date is my favorite beanie. Although,

I want to recreate it in a beautiful cream yarn I recently bought.

Here's my current collection. Colorful and simple.

I want to add bows and buttons clips to give them an extra touch.

Then off to donation???

Which is where I find myself right now. Questioning whether they are even

cute enough to donate. Where am I going to donate them??

Trust me, donating them to the trash man has come to mind.

I won't though, because even though I second guess myself. I usually prefer

flat on my face failure to quitting. :oD

I think I need an infant head to try them on. It would be a good boost of confidence,

given they fit and look good. Now if I can just get my hands on a cute, snuggly baby head. Hmmmm.

Ideas, encouragement, donation recommendations accepted.

Lukewarm and Loving it!

2011-02-22T12:53:00.000-08:00

I came across this message through a friend via facebook. I eagerly share it with others. It seems every time I watch this video I am encouraged, challenged, and beckoned by God to new heights. My heart is challenged to be consistently checking to make sure my life is not sitting in lukewarm mode, but instead is being offered to God to honor and glorify him.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY! As he moves our family beyond comfort and into His greater purposes.

Valentine's Day Salvaged.

2011-02-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

When Mom wakes up grumpy on Valentine's Day

is there anything brownies and vanilla ice cream cannot salvage?

When her oldest daughter is disappointed that

fifth grade has lost all Valentine's creativity. . . .

Is there anything that Napolean Dynamite

and Martinelli's can't cheer up?

Nope!

There was lot's of love to go around.

Happy Valentine's Day! I survived ;o).

Project: Salvage Valentines.

2011-02-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

It seems I am off to a rocky start. I'm off my game. 9:00 am and Valentines is a flop. Here's the extent of my love this far. . . PBJ in the shape of hearts!

Last year I posted Love is in the Air, I talked about my longtime Valentine's tradition with my girls. Valentines breakfast with sweet, little loves from Mom. We celebrated it like this:

This year not so much. I don't even think Mariah ate breakfast before she left for school. It's just been one of those mornings. So my plan is to salvage Valentines by dinner. . . . TO BE Continued.

Simple Switch.

2011-01-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

I bought this picture from Kirkland over five years ago for my downstairs half bath. It seems 5 yrs. is the approximate life span on my home decor.

I was done seeing this picture and ready for a new look in the bathroom.

So I went to work to change it up.

Next I grabbed my computer, opened up my photoshop program, and let the creativity reign.

I came up with this:

I formatted the photo onto an 8x10 page, and place my order @ Costco. It's also available HERE.

A few hours later I put the original frame back together. And for a little under $2.00, I now have this hanging in my bathroom. I like it a lot better.

Looks like a fresh start to me!

I have an idea: I think I'll learn to crochet!

2011-01-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

I have always had a little itch in the back of my mind, a brewing idea. Over the years, I have learned little bits on crocheting. So to start: I knew how to start my stitch, I knew how to make a chain, I knew how to make a square of rows, and, well, that's the extent of what I knew.

But I had always wanted to be able to crochet a baby beanie. See I have had this idea, that I would make them, for FUN, and donate them for newborns. Yea, I know, some people jump out of airplanes, some people ride roller coasters, others hike 14,000 ft. mountains. I crochet? Such a sense of adventure, brace yourself I'm a real live on the edge kind of girl. ;o)

So this last week, I set out to learn how to crochet. Where, additionally, I learned the value of Youtube for the visual learner. As well as, the value of mikeysmail and his crocheting tutorials.

I also checked out these two books from the library to help me along:

Book 1 went back to the library. It's not SO SIMPLE after all. Not my type of simple at least.

Book 2 stayed. Super simple!! Right up my alley.

I purchased my hook (I just guessed on a size 5.5 mm), grabbed a roll of yarn I had at home, and went to town. I started, restarted, and started again. I messed up plenty. I made one too small, I made one that I inverted half way through (still perplexed by that one). And then, as if by magic I made two that were: JUST RIGHT!!

And so I have begun!

Like any good beginner, I've bought more stuff. More yarn, and hooks.

My daughter, Shayli, made a bag donation to carry all my stuff. Both the oldest girls, have been learning along side of me. Though none of their stuff is ready to share and their poor little fingers ache.

I'll crochet a few more beanies. Maybe I will try a new stitch or two. Then it will be time to enact, stage two of Project: I have an idea: I think I'll learn to crochet! I'll post more soon.

I'm gonna make one: Valentines Wreaths.

2011-01-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

Now that the Christmas stuff is securely stored away in totes for the year. It's time to move on with the holiday decorating. We're forging ahead to Valentine's Day. Recently, I've come across so many cute wreaths on different blogs. I can't wait to employ the help of my girls and make our own one, or two, or three (depends how ambitious I am feeling).

"Isn't it too early to be thinking Valentines? Where did the warm fuzzies for Chrsitmas go?" You ask. A) It's never too early to think ahead. B) Truth be told, I love Christmas. But it wears me out. All the shopping, baking, thinking, wrapping, sending attending, committing, over-committing, canceling, opening, thanking. I prefer the more simple holidays. Ones not lined with expectation.

Back to the wreaths,

Here's a few of my favorites:

Tater Tots and Jello has this one made from cupcake wrappers.

I also came across this one from a post by peekaboo photos:

These are yarn wreaths. I would love to do a Valentine's take on these.

Apparently, these yarn wreaths aren't a new concept, here's another picture from twirling betty:

And finally there's this one from Smashed Peas and Carrots. Which I think is cute and classy.

I can't wait to get to work on 1 or all of these. I'll share the results.
If you decide to try any of the three, e-mail me a picture at: blujeanmama@gmail.com.

Friends Share: I found a purse!

2011-01-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

Do you know what a Miche Bag is? I didn't prior to Friday. I thought I was going to "just a purse party." I was actually going because I love my friend and she is so sweet and fun. I even left my house for her party and told my husband, "Don't worry, I'm not going to buy anything."

You see, I love purses as much as the next girl. Love them!! But I have a little personal rule, I never spend more that $25.00 on a purse. I know those of you who carry Coach, Brighton, and the slew of other expensive handbags just gasped. To further add to your horror, I have to say that if I should find a bag on the clearance rack at Target for $3.98. All the better!! I'm just as happy. Until. . . . I met Miche.

I saw all the cute purses lined on the fireplace of my friend's house, and I thought to myself, "Those are nice." But I knew the price tag had to be minimum $50.00. So I additionally thought, "This will be easy to walk away from." Until . . . .

I realized how cool, practical, and awesome these purses were. Here's how they work:

That's right you buy the basic purse. I chose black bag ($30). Then you purchase a shell, or a variety of them. I purchased a shell from the consultants 50% off stack ($12.95). The shells magnetically attach onto the base purse. All I have to do to change the look of my purse is buy a new shell. I love it! I also love that their designs are so cute, cool, and trendy. So say I want one of these looks (which I absolutely do):

I just need to purchase the outer shell. Then I learned that each month they have a 1/2 price item. Even cooler! Just in case you're not a small purse person they have a big bag:

And a diaper bag shell:

Honey, I spent some money at the purse party I went to on Friday! ;o)

AND. . . I want to have a party of my own. Say March. Great!

Could you and the kids find something to do?

An American Girl Day.

2011-01-08T08:57:00.000-08:00

It all started with this:

Nestled under the tree on Christmas were gift cards to the American Girl Store

given to the girls by their Grandma Lupe.

In order to understand how special this day was to the girls you have to know 3 little facts:

1) We've been reading American Girl books since Mariah was four.

2) We are firm believers in delayed gratification.

3) This trip was the highlight of their Christmas vacation.

We arrived at the Denver American Girl Store and they were both wide-eyed and excited. They glanced the shelves at super sonic speed, "Where's my girl? Where's Molly? Where's Julie?" Deep breath, we'll find them.

Our time in the store seemed to flash by so fast. All the years of talking about going, talking about which doll they would pick. All the stories read and subsequent movies watched (over and over and over again). "Was it as cool as you thought?" I asked. "No, it was cooler!"

We made a dash from the store to the car to take the dolls out of their boxes and place them into the arms of the sweet girls who could hardly sleep the night before knowing that this day was before them.

Can I tell you how many times I just wanted to spill over in tears. It seems delayed gratification works for all involved, parents included.

After shopping, we walked over to the Cheesecake Factory. Where the staff there accommodated the girls and their dolls w/ seats at the table. We ate lunch and indulged in chocolate coconut creme cheesecake. YUM!

One final shot before we headed home. My heart longs to freeze them right here forever. So that they'll always come home and play dolls for hours. So that I will always hear the sounds of their precious feet roaming the halls of our home. If only.

'Tis the Season for Christmas Clearance.

2011-01-05T13:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you're so excited by a good deal, you just have to share it. Today I went into Target where all their holiday leftovers were 90% off. Yippee!! So I sifted through the mess, with other bargain savvy ladies. At least, I thought they were savvy until a few of them turned. Some women can become so overjoyed by a sale that they become snippy, irritable, a bit hoardy. They say things like:

"Could you move your cart?"

"Ummm, I need get over there?"
(Need, define need)

"Miss, your son has a candy cane stuffed up his nose?"
(Oh, nope that one needed to addressed)

They start growling like lionesses and taking things that they clearly don't need.

They convulse when you touch something, because they think they
might have wanted it more.

If you find yourself to be one of these women. Here's some helpful coping mechanisms: step away, take three long, slow deep breaths, collect yourself and then return to the sale. Otherwise, you are just unbecoming and well, obnoxious.

Besides the key to 90% off is: BE SELECTIVE, Why?! It's not really a deal if you walk away with $30 of junk that you'll never really use.

However, if you walk away with say $4.00 of things you know you'll use and like next year, THEN you know you got a good deal.

Disclaimer: The candy canes were purchased for my two and five year old as a method of bribery so mommy could look through the mounds of 90% off. If 20 cents can purchase 10 minutes of happiness then I say SHOP ON FRIENDS! SHOP ON!

A New Year!

2011-01-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it's the second day of the new year and I already failed my resolution when my husband walked in the door with a dozen donuts. Ha! I'm kidding, I don't make weight loss resolutions. Sorry, if you do. I get it, trust me. But like a close friend of mine said, I'm not much into setting myself up for failure.

Before I move on with the new year. You have to know what eventful end to 2010, we had. It started the evening of December 30th, when the heater went out. Yes, that's a very bad thing when you live where it's cold. The weather report read: Bitterly COLD. My husband worked diligently to fix our problem himself. He started at 9:30pm, made a run for Walmart at midnight to replace the filter, with ignitor in hand he gave up at 2:30am.

Instead of being warm and snuggly inside our house, while the storm raged on, our children were huddle next to the fireplace like this:

And my witty 8 yr. old and her American Girl doll were visibly and verbally inconvenienced.

Shayli says,

"I woke up this morning and my American Girl doll's face was very cold. That's not ok with me."

Yes, Shayli, WE KNOW! Mind you I'm not so ok with the thermostat reading 52 degrees.

Nor am I ok with my 2 yr. old demanding me out from under my down blanket and heated mattress cover for a cup of milk. But I dealt with it. I dealt with it all 2010. And so it didn't shock me that I would spend most of the day under a beanie and oversized sweatshirt.

But you know what 2010 taught me PRESS ON!

Press on when:

The heater breaks. (Easy, peasy!)

The microwave breaks.

The refrigerator breaks.

The brand new replacement for the refrigerator breaks.

The installers of the refrigerator puts an 18 inch scratch across the wood floor in the kitchen.

PRESS ON WHEN:

You run into your husband's car with your car.

The blender breaks.

The toaster breaks.

You drop your Nikon D80 and break it beyond repair.

A month later drop your Canon Powershot and break it.

PRESS ON!

I declare 2010: The Year of the Broken.

In which case, I bid 2010 FAREWELL.

Raising Money for Cliff.

2010-12-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

This evening I was doing my usual blog reading. My new addiction! Which totally replaces Magazine reading. And sorry to say, to all magazines, is way cooler.

So this evening while reading Joy's Hope, she hearted/featured the blog Life Rearranged.

Where there is the sweetest fundraiser for a little guy in Eastern Europe named Cliff. I love the heart behind this fundraiser. Raising $1.00 at a time to fund this little guy's adoption.

I just wanted to take a second to encourage you to wander over to this page and be apart of something very big!! Be blessed by giving to Cliff and ensuring he have what every little person deserves, a loving family.

You know I heart a good adoption effort!!

Life Thoughts.

2010-12-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Greg Laurie posted this note on facebook. I read through it and went about my day.

I did the dishes, took the kids to the movies, dropped my husband's dry-cleaning off. But when I came home, the thought was still on my mind. I logged back onto my facebook account, searched through, and read it one more time.

If this were my last year to live I would. . .

I didn't feel a spirit of fear over the idea, rather one of intrigue. What would it be to live life with reckless abandon for the Lord? With my family? With my friends? In thinking over what I would do, I reflected back to an interview with Billy Graham that I had watched about a week or so ago. In the interview by Greta Van Susteren the following was said:

VAN SUSTEREN:

If you were to do things over again, would you do it differently?

GRAHAM:

Yes. I would study more. I would pray more, travel less, take less speaking engagements. I took too many of them in too many places around the world. If I had it to do over again, I'd spend more time in meditation and prayer and just telling the Lord how much I love him and adore him and looking forward the time we're going to spend together for eternity.

http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/on-the-record/transcript/rev-billy-graham-reflects-his-life-ministry-and-special-relationship-bush-family#ixzz19RCMcIka

I suppose what intrigued me the most was that a man who has had a long life so full of purpose, accomplishment, and impact would spend more time doing simply what he deemed the most important, spending time with God. It impacted me the first time around, and even more the second time.

So what would I do? What would you do? Better yet what would I not do?

I'd spend less time reprimanding, and more time teaching my kids.

Less time smiling and nodding, more time speaking up for truth, righteousness, salvation.

I'd be a better listener.

I would write everyone I love a letter.

I'd say thank you to everyone who made a difference.

I'd buy lots of gifts and very little for myself.

I'd spend more time with my husband doing the fun stuff. And we wouldn't say, "Oh next year."

I'd sit on the beach with my kids. I'd soak them in. Because I'd know what I try to remember everyday my time with them is precious.

I'd talk with God more, I'd pray, I'd study and read the Bible more as inspired by Billy Graham. Because if after 91 years of life he can choose these things, than I would think that at 33 years of age, I could learn a lot to do the same.

I WOULDN'T complain, be as irritable.

With that in mind, what will 2011 look like? Certainly, I could not have anticipated 2010.

Nor can I anticipate 2011, however the message in my heart is loud a clear.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

Did Christmas really come and go that fast?

Dec. 23rd

After enjoying dinner with our friends the Thompsons, we went to the Broadmoor Hotel to see the Christmas lights and gingerbread display. It has been so fun watching Christmas bloom before the eyes of my two year old.

Colin hangin' with Daddy. He has been so impressed with all the Christmas lights. Especially the ones Daddy put on our house. He goes outside and exclaims, "My Daddy do that to Colin's house!" Yup, Daddy's the hero.

Our favorite gingerbread house was this one inspired by the movie Up.

Dec. 24th

Our at home Christmas Bible study courtesy of Calvary Chapel Westgrove's podcast.

I enjoyed seeing the girls curled up on the couch with their Bibles. Their favorite part of the message: That Immanuel means God with us.

Dec. 25th

We spent Christmas with our family via ichat. I am so thankful for ichat. It's priceless to be able to see our family on special days despite the distance.

Me with the FabFour.

A sister picture on Christmas morning. I think I took one just like this last year, I'll have to look.

Colin's big gift, the train table. You know those moments when you are so excited to give your child a gift that you get all giddy - this was one of those moments. We knew he'd LOVE it!

Enjoying the gift opening!

1) The mess of wrapping paper. 2) Ri and Colin's dance party.

Daddy and Colin playing with the remote control car.

Our little monkey being silly.

I found these fun napkins @ Target.

Shay and I diggin' in. Geez, I have a big mouth.

Cheers! Ri and I with our Izzes.

Dinner time. It was a fun, relaxing, PJ Day kind of Christmas.

A sweet celebration. Happy Birthday Jesus!! You have the best birthday parties!!

Shhh! We're trying to read. . .

2010-12-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

We're spending part of our Christmas break reading a piece of classic children's literature. Somewhere in my dreams, the dreams I had before my children actually arrived, I had imagined myself reading books like these to my kids. Unfortunately, somewhere between life and the days that blur by, I find myself staring at an 8 and 10 yr. old wondering if I've made enough time to do these thing that mattered to me in my youthful dreams. Of course, these same dreams did not have arguing siblings, homework galore, or laundry piles. So I realize that not all things we hoped for or dreamed of will happen. But this one in particular, easily can be a reality if I simply set aside the time.

So for these two weeks we are reading A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Before kids, I started a small collection of children's literature so I had this one stored away. Just opening this book in particular makes me want to move onto titles like, Anne of Green Gables, The Secret Garden, Little Women. In addition to inspiring a lengthened list, it makes me want to start using words like: quaint, queer, quite, ought, punctilious, and grand. I am sure my kids would roll their eyes, in which case I might actually try it for a day.

What are some of your favorites classic children's titles? We're taking recommendations.

Baking Day Laughs.

2010-12-20T07:29:00.000-08:00

We started our baking day by rolling truffle balls. It's our second year doing truffles, and we're practically chocolatiers!

The Oreo truffles were being rolled. My 8 & 10 yr. old were working ferociously. Then suddenly the previously lighthearted conversation quickly turned. When one said, "These look like turds."

Laughter ensued. Shayli picked up the "smallest turd" and announced, "This is Rudolph's cause he's the smallest reindeer. " (I know soooo inappropriate).

Rudolph was offended.

Shayli while eating turds, errrr, ummm Oreo truffles says, "No, no, it Olive's!"

"Olive's?! Who's Olive?" I ask.

"You know," singing to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, "Olive the other reindeer."

"No, no, no!" I laughed, "It's all of the other reindeers."

"No!" She insisted. "It's Olive."

I laughed so hard. Partly, because I could see her confusion, and partly, because she's Shayli and she's so insistent. I hated to prove her wrong. . . .

Until she grabbed the computer, doing what any kid in this day and age would do, looked it up on the internet. Where. . . .

She quickly proved me wrong. It's a book and a movie. Who knew?!

Meet Olive. Or at least our Cake Pop creation of him.

This little conversation was the highlight of our baking time. So much so that I ordered the book which should arrive any day now.

Sing with me now, "Olive the Other Reindeer." And enjoy!

2010 Family Christmas Card.

2010-12-19T14:01:00.000-08:00

This year an artist in our family (Mariah) took over the family Christmas card. This was super helpful considering our two year old wants nothing to do with Mommy's photography escapades. I had always wanted to use one of their pictures for our Christmas card. Mariah in particular draws the sweetest family pictures. She draws them just because, so it's not uncommon to find one lying somewhere amongst the pages of a notebook. They touch my heart each time I find them.

The picture below, she drew at my request. So here it is . . . . . "The Mercado Family Christmas Card" ;o)

Christmas Vacation.

2010-12-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

Good Morning to Christmas vacation, day one. For the next two weeks I will relish in the simple act of not having to be anywhere in the morning before 8:30 am. The days to come are brimming with potential. This is how I seem to start every vacation period (fall break, Christmas break, spring break, and even summer). Certainly, I am setting myself up for some sort of disappointment as I daydream of getting so many things accomplished, as we have a "fun old-fashion family Christmas."

But then if you find yourself cursed/blessed with a crazy imagination, the kind of brain you can't turn off. Then you understand. So I wonder, really, how many things I will get to. . . . . There's no way to tell. But I'm making my list and checking it twice. Hoping the kids will spend the next weeks home with me, behaving nice. ;o)

Encouragement on the Adoptive Path.

2010-12-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

The above verse is one of the first verses that I can recollect standing out to me on our adoptive journey. I had no idea of the road ahead of me as I entered a 9 month battle to get our daughter out of the California foster care system and into our arms. Looking back, it's better I didn't know. The mountain that would need to be climbed, the valleys I would have to learn to patiently sit in, and the times I would have to rise up and press in would have seemed overwhelming. For all these reasons and a million more, I love this verse.

In any journey in life we can fail to see God as the victor. After all, so much of what we call a victory is based on our idea and desired outcome. Nonetheless, if you find paperwork to be the hold up, finances, people (judges, social workers, therapists), remember who holds the world in his hands. Do not determine the battle's outcome based on today, tomorrow's, or this month's events. Base it on who's going to hold the victory, GOD ALONE. And remember, every success, milestone, and homecoming. . . TO HIM BE THE GLORY!

His victories are sweeter than we can ever imagine!

All I Want For Christmas . . .

2010-12-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

All I want for Christmas, sadly I can't have :o(. My Christmas list has been requested from my husband and the kids, and what I want. . . what I really, really, really want is an Etsy gift card.

This is what the card looks like in my mind, which is the only place it seems to exist.

Why not, Etsy? You constantly place before my eyes wonderful items that I want.

For example, I would love to buy:

I love butterflies. This is $46 HERE

Man, I love butterflies. Etsy has the best butterfly stuff.

$97 HERE

And then there's this:

Because I also happen to love bracelets. Though, I am not so crazy

about necklaces, they itch my neck.

$45.00 HERE

I've wanted this for some time:

It reminds me of my dear friend Brandy and I. Because even though distance

separates us, we can throw down a mean phone conversation. Especially when

her husband Chris is hunting on some ranch in the middle of nowhere.

$20 HERE

And even though I don't exactly know what I would do with these:

I still want them.

$15 each HERE

And there's also this (which exceeds the amount of my fake Etsy card above)

$235 HERE

Clearly my lack of funds could be resolved by being given more than one gift card.

The possibilities are limitless, if only Etsy had a gift card. *sigh*

A Father's Heart

2010-12-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

I came across this blog through my brother, please take the time to read this blog and pray for baby Samuel. This father's heart and godly perspective is touching. Prayerfully, we will have the joy of seeing God move mountains and heal this little guy here on earth.

click here:

LOTH Blog

And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you.

2 Corinthian 9:14

Life blurs on by. . .

2010-12-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

I was looking at my blog today, sad and lonely as it sits on the back burner of my life. I realized my last post was on November 17th, today is December 7th. Getting from here to there has been a bit of a blur. In fact I find myself consistently asking my daughters, "What's the date today?" Each time I ask time seems to skip ahead by five days.

I have the best of blog intentions, but from thought to computer seems to be the journey of a thousand miles these days. Here's a little of what's been swirling around our hive. . .

Halloween came and went. We carved pumpkins, dressed up, ate candy until we could puke, and had fun.

Then I blinked and my four year old turned five. We celebrated modestly which is a show of our love, understanding and respect for all that can overwhelm our sweet child.

I blinked again, packed our bags, drove 16 hours to California, and celebrated Thanksgiving with my wonderful family. I love Thanksgiving, it's my favorite holiday and it was spent with my very favorite people in ALL the world.

Then I sneezed, because my Dad gave me his cold, shoved our stuff back in the bags, and drove 16 hours home to Colorado.

We came home to swim and gymnastic practice. Back to school. And back to the business of life with four energetic kids minus the helping/entertaining hands of Grandpa and Grandma.

I also came home to the dreaded 5th grade science project. We spent a week putting together all Mariah's hard work, so it looked pretty and fancy. Because according to her, "Making it pretty is the best part of the science project." That's my girl!

Which brings me to this past weekend which was spent hanging lights, putting up the tree, and decorating. All with the not-to-be-forgotten irritating and persistent cold that refuses to be ignored, no matter how hard I try.

Our days are fun and busy, as life blurs on.

Attachment Seminar on 12/9

2010-12-07T07:46:00.001-08:00

Date: 12/9, Thursday

Time: 6:30 - 8:30pm

I know this is short notice, but if you live in the Colorado Springs Area. Woodmen Valley Chapel @ Rockrimmon Campus will be having an attachment seminar. No matter where you are in the adoptive process, understanding attachment is key. See the link below if you are interested in attending.

http://urbanservant.blogspot.com/2010/12/free-attachment-seminar-here-in.html

LJF: Adventures in Cake Pops.

2010-11-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

I have been smitten by Cake Pops. Here's my first attempt at making them!

Click HERE

LJF: Safety Pin Bracelet

2010-11-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

Check out the how to at: Lemon Juice & Freckles

Choosing to See

2010-11-13T13:40:00.000-08:00

I recently read Mary Beth Chapman's book Choosing to See. If you know the Chapman's story, you know that they have adopted three daughters from China. You may also know that their daughter Maria Sue was tragically killed in an accident in 2008. This book was fascinating and immensely touching. It was gracious of Mary Beth Chapman to allow God to use her in this way, as she opened herself to recount the events of that day, the healing journey they are on, and many other moments in her life's journey overall.

I didn't know much about Mary Beth Chapman prior to reading this book. But I think she may have just become my favorite Chapman. Sorry, Steven Curtis. Of all the endearing qualities, the ones that struck me most were her candor, wit, and how incredibly relatable she is. She really is a gem among prominent Christian women figures. She is unique in her willingness to admit doubt, defeat, and depression. And she is inspiring to share her growth through it all. You feel like you are sitting down at coffee w/ her or browsing through TJ Maxx ;o). And in the moments of her grief and loss, you weep with and for her.

My favorite moment of the book was a chapter dedicated to a certain river rafting trip. I cannot remember a time that I have laughed so hard out loud at a book. I was reading on the bed the night I came to this chapter, my husband was watching a football game. I began to laugh, he turned around and asked, "What's so funny?" I continued laughing, "This story, honey, she is soooo funny." Laugh*laugh*laugh. Knowing that my book comedy could not compete with my husband's Sunday football game. I took the story to someone who could appreciate it. . . my Mom. I called her and laughed my way through the entire story. So much so that my Mom had to ask, "What? What did you say?" Lol, the river rafting trip. Read that one!!

I recommend this book as a personal read and a gift!! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Perscpective on RAD.

2010-11-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

I recently joined a google group on RAD. I thought it was supposed to be a support group, but once again it is a vent group. One where people trash their kids, call them awful names, and reinforce each others equally sick and disillusioned mindsets. I know the comments come from a place of pain, hurt, and disappointment. But no child deserves to be called a sl**. Even if there is substantial proof to the claim. These comments show a parent who is overcome by their circumstances and has come to the point of saying things they probably never imagined they would say. They are grieving in so many ways. Maybe in some ways, it is as one grieves death. You know the kind of grieving that seems irrational, but you choose not to judge it because you dare not desire to walk in that person's shoes? After all, it is the death of a life they knew, the death of a hope they had. However, as Christians, we cannot allow each other to grieve as those without hope.

I get scared when I read the posts on this group and other places, where I venture to read and try to understand RAD. Our family is 3 1/2 years into our nearly 5 yr. old daughter's Reactive Attachment Disorder. Yesterday (Halloween) was no picnic here. Holidays and special occasions are like that, continually. Sometimes I panic over what 13 or 15 or 18 will look like with my child. I know it could be really, really, really bad, and very ugly. There are days when I am flat on my face and I want to curl up in bed and pretend this is not my life. BUT I don't think as parents we can let each other lose HOPE. Hope is essential! And HOPELESSNESS finds us on anti-depressants, wasting from one day into the next, hoping to wake up to an 18th birthday. So instead when hopelessness threatens to take over, like a thief, we need to cast our cares upon God. Plead if necessary,

Psalm 39:7 Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.

Truly, He is my only hope for my child. While I attend therapy and I look into the nuggets of assessment that might help me in my journey to heal my child. My hope is in the Lord!! That He can and will heal her. That she will defy the pioneering research and the diagnosis that chases after her, trying to rob her of the very beauty of soul that God has given her.

My RAD daughter is not my only child. I have three other children. I confess I have wasted so much time agonizing over the life that I have robbed them of. The mother I used to be. And then one day, I woke up from this sick, disillusioned mindset that I was living, and I decided NO MORE. NO MORE HOPELESSNESS. No more "My kids used to have a good life." No more, "I used to be a good Mom." My kids do have a good life and I am a good Mom. And when I fail, I fall into the grace of God and keep moving forward.

So with that, I am sorry for RAD's start. Genuinely sorry. It's unfair- but life is choices. And she can choose to embrace a good life that is right in front of her, or she can reject it. As for me, I AM MOVING FORWARD. I am having fun with my family. And I am going to be the family, I believed was a wonderful family for her when I adopted her. Whether she wants to remain on crazy cycle or she wants to join in, is in the end up to her. I love her regardless. Sometimes I love her more out of action than feeling, but every once in awhile those sneaking feelings peek their way out. I beg them to stay, but disfunction takes over my daughter's behavior and so I move back to the simple ACT of LOVE.

The guilt that used to eat at me, no longer does. I can't feel guilty. I am not numb, just realistic. I did not birth her drug addicted and I did not neglect her. I am working hard to undo that damage, I am not going to let the enemy rob me of one more day where I buy into the lie that this is all somehow my fault. God wants to use me to fulfill the great commission he has given in the life and heart of this child.

The enemy wants to rob me of joy, happiness, love, and the very goodness God has set before me in life. . . he MAY NOT!! He MAY NOT have the souls of my children, he MAY NOT have my marriage, he MAY NOT have my entire family unit. He can take himself back to hell itself, this is my family, and as cliche as it sounds,

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE WE WILL SERVE THE LORD

This morning I have awoken to a wonderful cocktail of disfunction, one where my child loves the dog more than any person in the house, she tells on her younger brother every 45 seconds for the most insignificant things, and she is trying to control every minute detail of the morning. She's also says random things like Mom, "Look at that lightbulb." It's exhausting. And as soon as I send this post, something will happen that tries to shove any hope I have out the window. But I think I'll hang on to it and reel it back on in. Because I'm not up for having every day for the next 13 years destroyed. I think I'll pop a sermon on my ipod in my ears, I'll sit down with my Bible and look up random verses on hope until I believe every one of them, I'll take a vitamin D and plug in a workout video. I'll do whatever is necessary to regain my sanity and go back after the heart of my child and the preservation of my family.

I think in the end the only questions we need to answer as parents is unto the Lord. Did I do my best? Did I look to YOU, MY GOD, as my resource? Or did I cling to the false worldly doctrine and hope that surrounds me, the one that says at best, "God help me get to 18."

Fellow parents of a troubled adoption, I am thinking of you today, and I am praying for you right this second. And I hope at the end of this journey we can each find ourselves and our child(ren) saying,

Genesis 50:20

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

With Love, Blujeanmama

Kitchen Gadget.

2010-09-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I had a Pampered Chef party. I hadn't had one in years. I forgot how much I love their products!! My friends who came to the party, ordered and raved about the mini-spatula. For $5.00, I thought why not? So I ordered one, then I went back and ordered three more (for gifts). This is my new favorite kitchen gadget. I use it when I'm baking cookies, brownies, and other goodies. The coolest part, is I know I'll be using the same one 10 yrs. from now.